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And what do we in fact need to know about ourselves? Here we want to focus on the areas of self-knowledge that matter most in life: the areas concerned with the inner psychological core of the self.
It’s these sort of issues that – over decades – create catastrophes and that we therefore need to know about way ahead of time, in order to look out for people who are optimally designed to withstand them.
A standard question on any early dinner date should be quite simply: ‘And how are you mad?
But unfortunately, the lessons we picked up may not have been straightforward.
The love we knew as children may have come entwined with other, less pleasant dynamics: being controlled, feeling humiliated, being abandoned, never communicating, in short: suffering. Why is it hard for us to know ourselves in these ways? There are several huge cognitive frailties that make it hard for us to have certain kinds of insight about ourselves.
We recreate in adult relationships some of the feelings we knew in childhood.